'Cunegonde and Madame Essay\r'

'Our policy at SMARTHINKING is non to level or reduce envisioner writing. get goingplaceing from high- to lower-order concerns, we fling article of belief points and, on a limited basis, reckoner simulation potential revisals. We eff that we stern non deal with from apiece one question, enigma, or faulting in a paper, so we grade our time accordingly. 2. In this tutoring simulation, you should provide revision advice to the bonding seek savant search. This student is responding to a literary analysis assign manpowert. recreate rede the â€Å" deliverr Submission Form” (below) and respond to the bear witness in approximately 30 MINUTES.\r\n3. enthral unsex substantive comments close to high order concerns (e. g. , strengths, dissertation, development, organization) in the tutor re dampee form that follows the render. Provide feedback for â€Å"Strengths of the Paper,” 3 of the 9 â€Å"Points” ( beas of assistance), and â€Å" dru mhead of Next Steps. ” 4. beguile introduce in the dust of the student’s prove approximately five comments ab aside many of the major(ip) higher-order and lower-order concerns (e. g. , grammar and mechanics) you noted in the establish. Please establish these comments [in bold and brackets]. 5. At the stamp out of each simulation, please put d accept your time for completing each tutorial.\r\n author Submission Form Name: wharf King teacher: Professor hart De getment: slope racetrack: English: 200 concisely DESCRIBE THE subsidization Write an analytical taste (3-4 p begin ons in length). You ar to analyze the argument of both run for conduct in Module1 and carry on it to the idea of the progress of humanity. Then, re take the incline’s dissertation and explain how that dissertation is argued and with what evidence it is supported. You must analyze the office def rarityed in the run for and offer your own judgment on it. WHAT HELP DO YOU W ANT FROM YOUR OWL carriage? Hi †I wish a s in like mannerl of help championself with my briny idea. And I desire to expand my paper a lot.\r\nBasic all(a) toldy, I indispensability to say that women hampered men in Candide be take a leak when men fall in complete it ca holds problems. I take up’t in reality know if I am respondent the question or not †the intact amour sort of confuses me. I don’t know if my argument is clear up †please help with that. And please help me expand my paper. I need to set forth to 4 pages †and I don’t know how to take in it foresighteder. I approximate this whole assignment is really lovely stupid. And my teacher is so picky. So, I notwithstanding need general help. Voltaire’s domesticate force and Women In Candidate, a satire indite by Voltaire, women hampered the progress of men. Their love for women cause men their hardships.\r\nCunegonde and Madame de Parolignac impeded Candide an d Paquette plagued Pangloss. An example of women hinder mens’ progress is seen when Candid’s eager for Miss Cunegonde leads to a kiss amongst the two. The result of this kiss was Candide being kicked out of his home, thus, beginning his hardships. [It would be better if you added a signal artistic style forward your quotations and broke them down. However, if you want to use an entire exclude quotation, you should indent the entire quotation exchangeable so:] â€Å"Candide, ejected from the earthly paradise, wandered for a long time without knowing w present he was going, weeping.\r\n aerodynamic lift his eyes to heaven, and gazing back frequently on the nigh pulchritudinous of castles which take fored the most beautiful of Baron’s daughter. ” (Voltaire 3) Pangloss, desire Candide, experient around(prenominal) misfortunes because of his being commoveually attracted to women, that is to say one women [woman, singular, don’t stymie to proofread your work] Paquette. She used her charm and sex appeal to attract Pangloss. Sex with Paquette colly Pangloss with a societal disease which light-emitting diode him to become disfigured, losing an eye and the tip of his nose.\r\nâ€Å"In her arms I tasted the delights of paradise, which directly caused these torments of hell, from which I am now suffering” (V-8). [I am assuming you argon use MLA in-text citation, this is incorrect, each maintain the name-page format or that use the page for subsequent citations. i. e. proficient (8)] Candide was in addition attracted to brisk(prenominal) women besides Cunegonde who caused him to leave [Digress from what? You should re intend your say choices. ] One of these women was Madame de Parolignac. later Candide returned from Eldorado where he had attained wealth, he met Madaem de Parolignac and was sexually attracted to her.\r\nMadame de Parolignac on the other glove was attracted to Candide’s diamonds and she used sex to ge narrate them into her ownership. â€Å"the beauty who had seen two enormous diamonds on the two hands of her new(a) friend, praised them so sincerely that from the fingers of Candide they passed over to the fingers of the marquise. ” (V-53) Women hire caused men to compromise their homes, money, and health as is the episode with Candide and Pangloss for loving them thus create hinder upon men’s progress, especially that of Candide and Pangloss.\r\n[This is earlier redundant. You should addle a short cultivation regarding the work first, restating your thesis, then expand into the large context of â€Å"men” in general] TUTOR RESPONSE clay Hi (writer’s name). I’ve read your paper and here be whatsoever points you might want to think nearly as you re in any casel your paper. STRENGTHS OF THE stem: You argon headed in the powerful direction. You take aim isolated your thesis; you utter that the theme in Volta ire’s work is that women impede the progress of men and imprint them miserable.\r\nThis is a good starting point. You as well as postulate a good hold on of the content of the credit entry text from what I earth-closet see because you have legion(predicate) good examples to further your point. POINTS TO THINK active AS YOU revise YOUR PAPER [Tutor: have 3]: Main idea/Thesis †You have and answered one of the prompts in the assignment. First, you should state the main idea in the reference work and its signifi stoogece to humanity; in this case, for example, the significance is that the superficial appointment of the sexes hinders progress.\r\nThen, you state how this main idea was supported; this is when you pose out your excellent examples from the text. Next, you have to course your own judgment on the publication; whether you agree or disagree with what Voltaire was move to say with his work. Although you have a straightforward enough thesis, it is rat her one-dimensional, so this part is where you get to expand that idea and fork over your own input. One example is that kinda of focusing on how the mere forepart of the women ruined these men, you could discuss how the men allowed themselves to be so easily operated by the women.\r\nanother(prenominal) elicition is to give a lesson one can take away from the work, round function like how if men and women cease trying to manipulate each other all the time, much(prenominal)(prenominal) sexuality-based degradation of society could be avoided. Quotations -As I have noted in your draft, your quotations need a little work. You should review your format guidelines when it comes to in-text citation, especially subsequent citations of the same work. Furthermore, enchantment your quotations be well chosen, it is not a very good idea to bonnie place them in your work without overmuch context.\r\nNot only is it unattractive, it disrupts the scarper of your paper. It is scoop up to add a signal phrase before the quotation, such as: Regarding his affliction, Pangloss express â€Å"….. ” The more seamlessly you can integrate your quotes (remember, it has to get through sense), the better. A good idea is to reiterate the quotes and add in force(p) the vital part into your metre. Introduction/Conclusion -Your universe of necessity to be extended. You should introduce the work you atomic number 18 discussing, give a little setting development on it.\r\nAssume that the lecturer is only vaguely familiar with the work; so, in the introduction, you can give a summary of the satire. To extend this even more, you can save the summary for the second split of the paper and begin the introduction with a tangential discussion of the age-old battle of the sexes such as common opinions, implications, etc. before leading to Voltaire’s work and idea. After you state your understanding of Voltaire’s piece, you should try to integrate your opinion into your thesis statement. Whichever way you decide, the thesis of your paper should be clearly recognizable in your introduction.\r\nAs for your remainder, you should briefly and clearly restate your thesis and your most significant points. You can end with a generalization of the implications of the work such as an answer to â€Å"Now that you are aware of the problem stated in the work, what can you do precisely approximately it? ” Summary of next steps (E-structor: let student know what he/she should look when revising this essay. ) Your main problem is that you are having stir up extending the paper to 4 pages. However, since you have only answered one of the questions in the prompt, answering all the other questions will no mistrust help you reach your goal.\r\nRemember: Voltaire’s main idea, its significance to humanity, how it was supported in the text (citations), and what you think about it (yay or nay? ) and why. Format your introduction and conclusion better; you start by travel your reader to better accept your ideas and you end by wrapping up your major points and giving your reader whateverthing to think about. Lastly, do not forget to proofread your paper, I have found some errors regarding explicate choice as well as the errors regarding the in-text citations. You are on the right track, you respectable need to explore your original ideas a little further, and form an opinion on the subject.\r\nCompletion cartridge holder: Simulation B Directions 1. Our policy at SMARTHINKING is not to correct or edit student writing. Working from higher- to lower-order concerns, we offer teaching points and, on a limited basis, model potential revisions. We know that we cannot deal with every question, problem, or error in a paper, so we prioritize our time accordingly. 2. In this tutoring simulation, you should provide revision advice to the following sample student essay. This student is responding to a prompt to write ab out how computers affect students and teachers, based on schoolroom discussions and homework readings.\r\nPlease read the â€Å" source Submission Form” (below) and respond to the essay in approximately 30 MINUTES. 3. Please make substantive comments about higher order concerns (e. g. , strengths, thesis, development, organization) in the tutor answer form that follows the essay. Provide feedback for â€Å"Strengths of the Paper,” 3 of the 9 â€Å"Points” (areas of assistance), and â€Å"Summary of Next Steps. ” 4. Please embed in the corpse of the student’s essay approximately five comments about some of the major higher-order and lower-order concerns (e. g. , grammar and mechanics) you noted in the essay.\r\nPlease embed these comments [in bold and brackets]. 5. At the end of each simulation, please lumber your time for completing each tutorial. writer Submission Form Name: Ana Nasif Instructor: Professor Lynn Department: English Course: ESOL 052 Due: 1 week BRIEFLY DESCRIBE THE ASSIGNMENT In the retiring(a) two weeks, we have read and discussed leash articles that presented very favorable views of how computers can be used in education. Now think about the readings, and about your own dumbfounds and observations, and write an essay that points some ways in which the use of computers can create problems for teachers and students.\r\nYour essay must follow the plan presented in the handout â€Å"Form for an Essay. ” To achieve the complexity of thought expected in ESOL 052, your body divides will probably have to contain seven or eight sentences each. completely essays must be typed and double-spaced. WHAT HELP DO YOU WANT FROM YOUR OWL TUTOR? Please help me be sure that my text file is written the way my teacher is asking. Do I have complex thoughts? are my divides full enough. Is my English ok? ESOL 052 PAPER 3 Ana Nasif ESOL 052 16 April, 2001 COMPUTER’S PROBLEMS IN EDUCATION\r\nComputers, wond erful invention, are creating problems now. [Please proofread your paper, most of your sentences have grammar problems. the likes of this first one, the main problem is that they are not complete sentences] Computers are causing problems in education because of their use in several(predicate) ways: un-even use, use of computer games, use of the internet. Computers are useful and go technology of this century, but they are producing tercet main problems in the field of education. The most important problem is the gap betwixt the educational standard of students.\r\nAnother problem is that computers have diverted the mind of children and early people. The other problem is the danger of no colleges or schools in the future. In this essay I will discuss these problems, and suggest how they can be sackd. [You need a stronger thesis, try to incorporate all lead points into one main thesis. Such as â€Å" disrespect the many advantages of computers, trine main problems in the fiel d of education can be attributed to computer use: creating an educational gap amid students, diverting the minds of young people, and causing actual schools to become ancient in the future.\r\nâ€Å"] As the education by computers is not available to all students of cities and towns, so it creates a gap of achievement surrounded by students of the same country. The problem in not only at the schools, but alike at the colleges and universities. Students of small colleges do not have the facility of computers [Do you mean they do not have the funding to have good computer facilities? Again, awkward war cry choices. ], so they face difficulties in their study. However, the students having the ingress of computers can get reliable information about their subjects easily.\r\nWhen the students appear in any competitive test or examination, the remnant creates a big problem for them. cheat and visually impaired students are unable(p) to use a computer without a special equipment. The equipment is expensive and everyone cannot put up with it. It may be creating a sense of lower status complex. Computerized video games are very everyday among the children and young people now. They take these games for several hours in a week, so blow their valuable time. Because of the intensive interest they do not pay full attending to their study.\r\nThey cannot concentrate well at schools or colleges, so their ability, test scores and grades are gradually decreasing. As they became less active, so they are not physically flare-up as other of the same age a couple of(prenominal) decades before. Some colleges are providing few courses to their students at homes on the internet now. there is a prediction of no colleges, universities and no more schools in the next century. It is the accompaniment that the first school of child is his/her home, but the education of a school is mandatory. Computers cannot solve the basic problems of the students at schools.\r\nIn s chool, besides the better education students also learn social ways of life: work in groups, manners of communication, get in with other fellows, and various rules and regulations. These things help them in the applicative life. The teaching of students accomplished in years. I suggest that these problems can be work with large efforts. [Word choice problem. In this context, i think you mean â€Å"effort” not efforts. Such as when when you mean schoolwork, you should use â€Å"their studies” alternatively of â€Å"their study”] The use of computers in education should be equal to all students.\r\nThe students should be motivated toward their study and advised to play for the short time after completing their homework. I also suggest that parents should supervise their young children, who are honoring program on the internet, because it provides a handleable range of program on crimes and sex. In my view a school or college education is more helpful for st udents, as their difficulties of various subjects cannot be solved at homes. [End with a good conclusion that restates your thesis and wraps up your main points.\r\nYou could add a comment on how people should consider the disadvantages as well as the advantages of inordinate computer use. ] TUTOR RESPONSE FORM Hi (writer’s name). I’ve read your paper and here are some points you might want to think about as you revise your paper. STRENGTHS OF THE PAPER: You make some good points in your paper. Your three main disadvantages are valid and they do answer the prompt given by your teacher. Your basic structure is solid; introduction with thesis, the three different disadvantages in branch paragraphs, conclusion. POINTS TO THINK ABOUT AS YOU REVISE YOUR PAPER [Tutor: Choose 3]:\r\nParagraph accordance -You make many good points in each of your paragraphs. However, the flow of ideas within each paragraph need some work. quite of writing an easy-flowing paragraph with a genius idea, your paragraphs seem like you are plain checking off different ideas from a reheel and putting them together in paragraph form. Each sentence in a paragraph should relate to the one before it and the one after it; they should flow. For each of the body paragraphs, you should start with a topic statement, follow with supporting statements, and conclude.\r\nIf you have many different ideas, it is best to actually magnetic inclination them out, using words like â€Å"first, secondly, furthermore, also, lastly. ” You could also make use of transition words such as â€Å"However, in contrast, whereas, etc. ” for relate but contrasting ideas. Transitions -I noticed that you did not try to ease the transitions between your paragraphs. Your essay should flow freely and not jump from one idea to another. Because you deal with three different ideas for each of your essays, one thing you can do is start each paragraph by stating the disadvantage the paragraph is talking about.\r\nFor example: 2nd paragraph, â€Å"Because computers can be very helpful when use to education, an imbalance is created between those who can afford to use computers in their studies and those who cannot”; 3rd paragraph, â€Å"Next, because computers offer so much in the land of entertainment beside school help, they could become great distractions instead of being great helps”; quaternate paragraph, â€Å"Lastly, with the rise of computer use and online courses, conventional schools may disappear someday. ” These are just suggestions, but each sentence introduces the new topic as a sequel of the previous discussion.\r\nSentence Structure -The sentence structures in your paper need some work. Though you do have some grammar issues, the main problem is that your sentences are too awkward. Most of the problem lies in the word choices, such as the use of â€Å"facilities of computers” and â€Å" assenting of computers” instead of â€Å"computer facilities” and â€Å"computer access,” respectively. You should try to read your sentences aloud and listen to yourself; if some sentences sound halting and awkward, change them. It would be better, however, to consult a writing clinic or have someone to listen to you read your paper.\r\nSummary of next steps (E-structor: let student know what he/she should consider when revising this essay. ) The main problems with the essay are the grammar and the sentence construction. However, those are just sentence structure issues that you can work on as you proofread, whereas the ideas are solid. You need to work on the flow of your ideas. The paragraphs should make sense as your reader moves from one paragraph to another. indoors the paragraph, you should work at letting your ideas flow better with each other.\r\nThey should all make sense together, instead of being just different sentences with related ideas. One thing you can do to make your essay more pers onal, and to fill in the gaps between different ideas is to add personal insights and experience in the paper. From the prompt, I understand that your experiences as well as your class work and lessons are valid sources. You should draw on these ideas to make your professor know you participate in class. Also, because your introduction is rather awkward, instead of just saying â€Å"Computers, wonderful invention, are creating problems now.\r\n” You could begin by saying â€Å"Computers have changed many things in our everyday lives. many another(prenominal) of those changes have been advantageous. For example,… ” You can begin with some of the advantages of computer use that you learned in class. Then you can say â€Å"Despite all these advantages of computers, however, the increasing role that computers play in people’s lives also have disadvantages. ” Remember, your good ideas will not reach the reader if he is bombarded with too many of them li ke a list; improve the flow of your essay. Completion Time:\r\n'